Venture Capital: Explained through … Food

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Venture Capitalists often make fine dinner guests.

I’m convinced that people would understand term sheets and investment agreements if we just included food anecdotes for every line item:

Equity“Here’s five bucks. I get half of that steak. …What?”
Convertible Note “Here’s some cash. I don’t know what you’re ordering, but if it’s good I’ll want a bite.”
Conversion Price – “You bought a steak? Shit. Okay, I think what I lent you should be about a quarter of that steak.”
Conversion Discount“I expected a better steak than this! Screw you, I deserve a bigger cut.”
Automatic Note Conversion“The moment our waiter brings the food I’m eating, I don’t care.”
Optional Note Conversion“It’s taking this long for our food? Gimme my money back, I’m going to McDonalds.”
Target Closing Date“I want to be done by 9pm. Ugh … that ain’t happening, is it?”
Employee Stock Option Pool“Put some of your food on that plate over there to entice people to join our table. …Hey, I didn’t mean to use my food!”
Dividends“Every so often I’m going to want to nibble on your food.”
Liquidation Preferences“I get to take a bite of your food before you do.”
Liquidation Overhang“We all get to take a bite of your food before you do.”
Participation“Are you eating those fries? Can I have one? …Can I have another?”
Board Seat“You can decide where we go for dinner. Except there. …And there. And I can’t eat there. Food doesn’t look good there. Oh! How about we eat there?”

Alphabet’s OrgChart Should Clear Up Some Things

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Genuinely don’t understand why people are confused — even upset — by Google’s restructuring.

Look at this Org Chart. Look at all the crazy shit Google was doing. At the end of the day, Google is a search company. By spinning out, Sergey and Larry can devote themselves to the moonshot projects that have, rightly or wrongly, defined the company. Google no longer has to devote valuable time, resources and money to projects that distract it from its core business, and S&L don’t need to answer to shareholders anymore.

Google can now lean the fuck up while still (hopefully) maintaining the work culture and incentives that keep it competitive (debatable).

On a positive note, if anyone is holding Google stock, that shit is going to *pop*.